There was no better feeling as a kid then going to a toy store and looking at all the fun things available to play with. You may not have always been able to buy that toy, but there was something about just seeing it and imagining yourself as the proud owner. For the most part, toys are fun and innocent enough for children. Yet there are some toymakers who may want to consider another career path. They have twisted the toy market into something, well, almost indescribable. You just might need to take a look for yourself. Here are 25 Bizarre Toys That Nobody Should EVER Play With. Seriously, what was the marketing process behind this toy? Luckily, the manufacturer of this doll later teamed up with the NCPCA to raise awareness about Shaken Baby Syndrome. Yet, when the Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid came out, it was not happily received. Not only did it eat food, but it also had a craving for children’s hair. Yes, it’s a good thing this doll was discontinued. The creators of Midge decided to give her a family. They attached a removable stomach on her with a baby inside. Oh, and one more thing: Midge was supposed to be a teenager. Parents were outraged by this and the doll was removed. They allowed kids to play-fight with each other without doing any real damage, except for the fact that they were hitting each other with sticky plastic thingies. If you get hit in the face with it, it probably really stings. Face Bank is a rubber money collector where kids deposit money into the mouth. The thing is very creepy looking and has a blank expression on its face. “Yes, children, feed Lord Face Bank.” Perhaps they should have eased it up a bit. The doll looked like it was two steps away from a full-blown drug addiction. If the goal was to get kids to think more about the homeless, we think it did, but we don’t think the goal was to cause children to be terrified of homeless people. The biggest problem is that kids are not great with coordination and there may have been few twisted ankles and broken bones. There may have been a ball dropped with this particular Punisher toy. The Shape Shifter Punisher transforms into a gun. However, the barrel part of the toy is in a place we just can’t mention here. It’s like someone took the idea of the child leash to a whole new level. If they invent a shock treatment, we’re done. We have no idea what is fun about this, and it feels wrong to even make a joke about it. Seriously, a straight jacket for children? C’mon, dude. But, seriously, never ever do that. There is a big difference between making your kid sit in the corner for five minutes and locking them up in a cage. Guess what the candy part was? Yep, his tongue. Luckily it has since been discontinued. Next time, just make an ice cream bar with his face. The object of this game is for kids to put the gun to their head. If a pink hippo doesn’t spring out and punch them, they win. So much fun, right?! The Ghost Girl is a doll head on top of an octopus. No, really it looks like an offering to the god Cthulhu. We hope it doesn’t talk. If you want to psychologically scar your children, get them one of these. These aren’t your average fantasy namby-pamby unicorns; these are unicorns of mayhem. It would be one thing if the beard was detachable, and it looked like a cute baby playing dress-up. Nope, it’s a small, bald man with an evil smile. This toy car comes in a human brain design, complete with one bloodshot eye. It’s the perfect gift for your horror-and-death metal-loving offspring. You could probably just skip the saddle and give your kid an old-fashioned piggyback ride. This thing is not appropriate for any child. So, is damaging a child’s psyche not good enough? Now they are receiving biological misinformation as well. Now you can pull and drill teeth while laughing, just like your friendly and sadistic neighborhood dentist. Go ahead! Pull some teeth out and practice those interrogation techniques. Forget the fact that something pops up at you, and you don’t know when to expect it … but it’s some freaky clown-looking thing. How is this supposed to be fun? Is this what happens when My Little Pony can’t pay the light bill anymore? We have lost faith in humanity. Why does a horse need clothes, anyway? Don’t worry, they don’t sell this in toy stores anymore. Chances are, you would have to look really hard to even find it online. Please, please hold the applause. (And really, like kids need nose-picking influences.) Is that supposed to be the Caped Crusader flying? Yeah, great job. Thankfully, this toy was made in the ’60s and it’s not around anymore. With Mr. Buttons, you can have a doll with a smile made out of real baby teeth. Yes, you read that right. It also has buttons for eyes, hence the name. (Altar, black robes, and chalice not included.)
